(See also my brother John’s reflections on Vera’s life after she became a widow.) Vera was born in 1922, and when she died she was 91. Since she moved to Burton-on-Trent from London only 9 years ago, the first 82 years are unknown to most local people at the thanksgiving service for her life. So my brother John and I are going to try to paint a picture of her life, the kind of person she was, and the faith she had. Mum was born in Thornton Heath, a suburb of Croydon in London, to working class parents. She was the youngest of the 4 children: she had two elder brothers who are now not with us, and Winnie, a sister who is still fit and well at 97, living in Bexhill on the south coast. Vera became the only committed Christian in her family through attending the local Sunday school, at a congregational church nearby. When she was sixteen she was courted by a boy at church, Jimmy Cox. He was 9 years older, but they soon knew they were to be lifelong partners. However, they decided not to marry till they were both in their 20s. So in the middle of a world war, in 1943, Vera aged 21 married Jimmy aged 29. Jim studied to become a chartered accountant, and Vera’s first job was as a typist in London for Unilever Brothers. During the war years they were bombed out of a house in Sanderstead, Surrey, and lost most of their furniture. Vera joined the WAAFs and worked as part of the Land Army, where she reluctantly learnt to control a bull several times her size! Although Jim was called up, he registered as a conscientious objector, eventually being allowed to continue in his job as it was deemed useful for the war effort. Their Christian commitment was strong and real: throughout their lives they were spiritually very alive to God, and also worked out their faith in ways which were socially quite radical. During the war they regularly invited prisoners of war to come to their home on day-release. They befriended and evangelised an Indian student, and actively supported several people with mental illness and learning difficulties for many years during their married life. I can remember going with dad to a large fortress-style mental hospital once a month on Sundays, and bringing home for lunch a lady who clearly was mentally distressed and had an appalling way of eating. They continued attending the Congregational church in Thornton Heath, and as others will attest, influenced numbers of young people who committed themselves to Christ as a result. At some point they became Quakers for a while, but in the end spent all of their lives involved with what is now known as the United Reformed Church. In 1950 I was born as their first child, and mum sensed something was wrong. It took them a long time before doctors took her concerns seriously, but eventually I was found to be virtually blind. I had 13 operations on my sight in the first ten years of my life, which gave me a useful degree of sight. John my brother was born four years later, and was also found to have cataracts, though less severely. As young parents they learnt to do what was best for us, finding instinctively the right balance between overprotection and encouragement to be independent. The education in special schools for partially sighted children was pretty poor, and they did battles with the council and moved twice so that eventually John and I could go to an ordinary grammar school. As we boys were growing Vera and Jim became involved with the charismatic side of Christianity, persistently seeking divine healing for our sight impairment, learning about the gifts of the spirit, and attending Spring Harvest when mum was into her 60s and dad his 70’s. They felt guided to a Congregational church in East Sheen, south west London, and moved to Twickenham in about 1965. They faithfully and obediently supported this church first as a couple, and then just Vera as a widow, until 2004. This despite the fact that the church had dwindling numbers, an aging congregation and a rather traditional way of worshipping God. But just like at the youth club they lead years before, it was fostering loving and caring relationships with the old, the infirm and the emotionally damaged that was the hallmark of how they expressed their Christian commitment. As children and grandchildren we also sensed that the home in Strawberry Hill was a special place of love and acceptance, and many others have told us they felt the same. They actively developed caring relationships with a sizeable number of neighbours, and Vera clocked up over 25 years’ service behind the scenes at the local Oxfam shop: sorting clothes, bringing them home to wash and iron, and randomly buying trinkets at the shop to give us all a sort of lucky dip at Christmas. Jimmy died in 1992 when Vera was 70, but it was to be another 12 years before she felt that God was guiding her to move. Her sons suggested that she move to the midlands to be closer to them, but at first she adamantly resisted the idea. Without Vera’s knowledge, one night us two sons and our wives came together to pray for her guidance, and the next morning she suddenly announced that she had reflected and changed her mind! For us this was a real and clear answer to prayer. I haven’t yet touched on what fun Vera was. There was often a twinkle in her eye, and she had an infectious laugh. She had what she would have called a ‘pickly’ sense of humour, and could be quite a tease in a gentle way. My daughter Hannah today reminded me that when she was watching the royal wedding with her grandma, Vera wanted to discuss which young royal would be the most eligible for Hannah! It look me a long time to realise how unusual my parents were, and how incredibly blessed I was to have been parented by them. They gave me confidence to make my way in life when others with similar disabilities led very sheltered lives. They patiently waited in prayer while I gave up the faith of my parents when I was in my teens. I am sure their unwavering prayers were a big part of what caused me to find Jesus for myself when I was 25. I must have tested them in all sorts of ways as I was growing up, and they kept faith and didn’t stop loving me at all, even while I made wrong choices. And mum continued as a widow for 21 years still showing an unshakeable Christian faith and great personal inner strength. She lived with the belief that “All things work for good for those that put their trust in the Lord”. So she was unafraid, and trusted God through disappointments, emotional hurts and setbacks. She actively chose to live by Proverbs 3 which says “trust in the lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding”. Doing this enabled her to be persistent in prayer and patient for answers. I am glad that the ravages of dementia have finally come to an end and she is now with the Lord she loved. All in all, Vera was the best possible mother I could have had. Thank you God! Richard Cox 19 December 2013